Parker Lewis Can't Miss

As a university-qualified political scientist, let me tell you that there is no lobby more important than the Students for Concealed Carry on Campus. I can only pray that one day handguns will become another must-have college student accessory, alongside laptops, cellphones and Rohypnol. This is one of those real winners of an idea. Can you believe how few guns we have in our public schools? It's sickening. This is exactly what's wrong with big government. School shootings should be regulated by the free market, not gun control laws. Ron Paul in 2008.

I know Chris Avellone has said in the past that he wants to do a high school RPG, and I think that would be fun. I'd like to see the social dynamics of high school through the dialogue, party and side-quest mechanics of an RPG. In light of this recent news story, however, I think a high school RPG shouldn't resemble Final Fantasy-esque melodrama as much as it should Fallout.

I use a shot of Fallout 3 to represent "Fallout" knowingly and pointedly.

It would be great. Post-apocalyptic dystopia meets Rebel Without A Cause meets Class of 1984. Leather-clad greasers on turret-mounted motorcycles. Jocks decked out in steel armour patterned after letterman jackets. Students lose karma when they give freshmen swirlies, and gain it when they ask nerds to the homecoming dance. Promise rings are +1 CHA. Cigarettes buy the answers to math tests. Militant cliques patrol the grounds at lunch, armed to the teeth, recruiting new students to their cause. Cheerleaders don't spread cheer as often as they spread syphilis. Prostitution rings and drug trafficking run the economy. The vice-principal enlists students to depose the principal in a bloody coup d'etat. While they are surrounded by wimpy followers, the kids never forget that they must act the outlaw, must trust no one, and that vigilantism is necessary for survival.

And bullets fly everywhere. Groin-targeted shots, of course.